


but i saw you in a dream

by the_cheshire_cat_grin



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, smooches, they be smoochin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:34:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28397766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_cheshire_cat_grin/pseuds/the_cheshire_cat_grin
Summary: After Johnny's botched date with Rogue, he struggles with feelings of right and wrong, what he owes to people, and what he owes to himself.
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand/Male V
Comments: 17
Kudos: 206





	but i saw you in a dream

Johnny was quiet today, suspiciously so. It had been an uneventful day, so V had decided to stay home, taking a much-needed break. Johnny, however, appeared anxious, pacing back and forth, frowning incessantly. Not too different from normal, but he appeared bothered, restless in a way that he usually was not. V thought maybe he was planning something, gearing up to ask _the_ question: Can I take over for a bit? It wasn’t often the most pleasant experience, especially when Johnny spent most of the experience up to his nose in liquor. Things had gone sour on his date with Rogue the other night, and, although he hadn’t shared many details, he thought perhaps he would want to take over again, go to her, try to smooth things over.

The hours passed, however, and Johnny remained silent. There was a time when V would have relished the peace and quiet, but all he could feel was worried. It wasn’t like Johnny not to offer a comment here and there, teasing as it may be. From his seat on his bed, he crumbled up an old burrito wrapper and tossed it toward the wastebasket. It missed by a couple of feet.

He glanced at Johnny, perched by the window, waiting for a teasing remark that never came. He merely stared out the window at the traffic below, expression hidden by his aviators.

V sighed. It was time to be direct. “Okay, spill it. What’s wrong?”

“Hmm?” Johnny’s gaze remained on the world below. “Oh, nothing. I’m great. Merry as a fucking Christmas elf.”

V rolled his eyes. “Do I look stupid to you?”

“Right now, or in general?”

V stood, joining Johnny at the window. “Come on, Johnny. Most days you won’t shut up, but you’ve been quiet, withdrawn. Just tell me what’s wrong so I can help you deal with it.”

A blink, and he was gone. V frowned, scanning the room, and found him on the couch, staring blankly at the tv. “Grade A shit these days,” he grumbled. “Is there anything on this damn thing that isn’t a fucking ad? Where did all the creativity go? What happened to actual entertainment?”

V sighed, returning to his seat on his bed. “Fine. I get it. Be mysterious and aloof, you emotionally constipated fucker.”

Johnny’s gaze snapped up. Even from across the room, V could see he was pissed. “Me? Sure. I’ll fucking admit it. But don’t act so high and mighty with me. The name Panam Palmer ringing any bells for you?”

V flinched, looking away. “Don’t, Johnny. Don’t go there.”

“Sure, V, I’m the constipated one, but you’re hanging that girl out to dry. I know you see how she looks at you, and yet you go on your merry way, pretending not to notice, just letting her pine.”

“You know it’s not like that,” V snapped. “Panam, she’s not ready. She said as much. And honestly, neither am I.”

“So when will you be ready, V? You’re on borrowed time as it is. You gonna tell her how you feel when you’re flatlining out in the sand, screaming in pain, limbs flailing like a dying dog? You think that’s what she deserves?”

V fell back against the bed, saying nothing. Despite himself, tears pricked at his eyes, and he rubbed them away angrily. He stared at the ceiling, watching it all play out. The way she had flinched when he had touched her. Her rushed insistence that she loved him, but not _like that_. “Not yet, V,” she had told him. “This is good, what we have. I don’t wanna mess it up.” He closed his eyes. He should have just let Johnny mope in peace.

“Oh fuck,” he heard Johnny murmur. Glancing over, he saw him pull off his aviators, wiping persistently at tears that weren’t there. “V, don’t do that, please. I’m sorry. I-“ Suddenly, he was on the edge of the bed, and V finally saw just how miserable he looked. “V, I’m sorry. Fuck, I should have just kept my damn mouth shut. You’ve got enough shit on your plate without me piling on.”

V said nothing, and Johnny sighed. “I was dick. Not in the best mood, and I took it out on you. Rogue always said I deflect when I’m upset. Come to think of it, Alt said the same thing. So did Kerry.”

“Shocking.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it.” He was quiet for a moment. “It’s just, I’ve been doing some thinking. And sure, I wasn’t always the best person, but between Rogue, and you…” He frowned. “Do you suppose I’m a bad person, like, genuinely bad? Be honest.”

V sat up, surprised. “I mean, does it matter? Do you really care?”

“Fuck yes, I care. I spent my whole life using and fucking and belittling everyone I met. Is that just who I am? The only people who liked me didn’t know me, and the people who knew me couldn’t fucking stand me.” He looked at V, almost pleading. “Arasaka is evil, no ifs ands or buts about that, but maybe I’m just like them.”

V was quiet for a long time, thinking. Johnny watched him, appearing desperate, but silently waiting. Finally, V spoke. “Johnny, listen. You’ve done shitty things, sure, but who hasn’t? You’ve done good things too. It was your idea to set the Delamain children free, give them a real chance at life. After the shitshow with Hanako Arasaka, you took over, got me to safety, hid me where no one would find me. I didn’t decide all that. You did.”

Johnny said nothing, so he continued. “You know, this whole good person, bad person bullshit, I don’t think it’s real. I think we’re all just fucked up, flawed human beings. Sometimes we do good things, sometimes we do bad things, but we’re not inherently one or the other.”

Johnny sat back, considering this. “You don’t think the bad things outweigh the good things?”

“Well, you did blow up a building,” V allowed. “But you did it for Alt, for everyone Arasaka has ever hurt. You tried to make sure they never hurt anyone again.”

“Fat load of help it did.”

“It was something. If nothing else, you showed people that they don’t have to be Arasaka’s lab rats, that fighting back is an option.”

“Hmm.” Johnny stared at V, his eyes softening. “You never fail to surprise me, V. How’d you get to be so goddamn wise?”

“My mom used to collect a shit ton of psych books when I was a kid.”

That made Johnny laugh, and V smiled. Not for the first time, he wondered at how his laughter was so contagious. It was no surprise that so many people had fallen in love with him so quickly. “Yeah, guess that explains a lot about you.” He sighed. “Thanks, V. For this, and for everything else, too. I know I’m not always the easiest person to be around.”

“Nonsense. You’re a fucking delight. Like a cupcake wrapped in sugar plums.”

Johnny snorted. “Fuck off.” He rubbed at his face, looking tired. “Seriously. Wish I could pay you back somehow.”

“It’s not like you have to. Besides, you did get me this sweetass tattoo.” V held up his arm, displaying the heart.

Johnny chuckled. “I’m serious. I wanna do something that like, actually matters. I wanna be more than a charismatic tumor in your head.” He scratched at his chin, looking thoughtful. “Hmm. May have got something. You’re tired, right? Go to sleep.”

V raised his brows, his gaze falling to the bright blue sky outside his window. “Uh, right now? Do I have a choice?”

“No.” Johnny put his aviators back on with a smirk. “Lights out, Samurai. Let’s go.”

V sighed, but leaned back against the bed. “Guess I’ll just go fuck myself, then,” he grumbled, closing his eyes.

“There’ll be time for that later. Nap time now.”

* * *

When V opened his eyes, it was dark, much darker than it should have been. Sitting up, he realized he was outside, somewhere far away from the lights of Night City. Scanning the horizon, he realized he was in the desert, and he began to panic.

“Easy there, Samurai.” Johnny appeared beside him, pulling off his aviators and sticking them in his pocket. “You’re still cozy in your bed. Just taking you on a field trip, is all.”

“Wait, I’m dreaming?” V looked around. “How did you do this?”

“It wasn’t too hard, actually. Once you fell asleep, I thought real hard about this place. I guess I’m the one dreaming, more than anything.”

“Ok…so what is this place?”

“Follow me.”

He led him about half a mile through the desert, nothing around but a few shrubs. A few feet away, there were some ancient, crumbling train tracks, the only sign that humanity had ever existed out here. Finally, in the distance, he could make out a structure, and the tracks beside them began to make sense. “A train station?”

“Old as dirt. This place was abandoned a century ago.” He studied the decrepit building for a moment, then climbed onto the platform. Looking around, he said, “First day I got a car, I drove and drove. I didn’t stop until I was running on fumes. One day, I found this place, about an hour or so outside Night City. Road’s long since been swallowed by the sand, but you can still see some guardrail if the sun’s high enough.” He sat on the edge of the platform, legs dangling above the tracks. “Not sure what it is about this place. It ain’t much to look at. But every time I came here, I felt peace. No fucking corpos stomping on my throat, no cameras, just desert, and all these stars.”

V took a seat beside him, looking out at the desert. “Weren’t you worried someone would find you out here. Nomads or outlaws?”

“Nah, no one ever did. Saw a coyote once, but he just looked at me, then went on his way. I wonder if he sensed it too? The sanctity of this place?” Johnny ran his fingers along the ancient, splintered wood. “Like it exists outside of time and space.”

V looked up at the sky, filled with more stars than he had ever seen, even as a kid with the Bakkers. Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, and there, hanging lopsided above the horizon, the man in the moon smiled. “I feel it too,” he murmured. “At least, I think I do. Maybe I just feel it because you feel it.”

“Don’t think it really matters, does it? I mean, maybe it’s all just the same thing.”

“Maybe.” It was silent for a long time, each man lost in his own thoughts. There was a light breeze, cold, but not in a bad way. Beyond the train station, he could hear crickets chirping, the light scuffle of an animal burrowing into the sand. Johnny was right. This place had a strange sort of peace. “Why did you bring me here?” he wondered.

Johnny kept his eyes on the stars, looking almost serene. “Before, when I gave you those dog tags, I meant what I said.”

V reached up to hold the dog tags, jingling lightly between his fingers. “Johnny…”

“I want you to find this place. When shit gets bad, and it all feels like too much, I want you to come here. Leave it all behind you for a while. Just look at the stars, and listen to the sounds, and know that, at least for a little while, you’re existing without being consumed.”

“Johnny, I…” V swallowed hard. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, Samurai. Told you I wanted to pay you back. This is the least I could do.”

Without thinking, he reached out. He didn’t exactly know what he intended on doing, but he gasped when he touched flesh, not air. “Fuck.”

“Holy shit,” Johnny breathed, staring at V’s hand over his. “We can touch here?”

V blinked, unable to look away. “Shit. I guess so. Maybe it’s because, I don’t know, we’re the same here?”

The two stared at their joined hands for a long time. Slowly, hesitantly, V ran his thumb along the skin, tracing circle after circle. “Fuck,” he breathed. “So that’s what you feel like. Softer than I thought.”

Johnny chuckled, sounding nervous. “Fingers are worse. Callused, you know.”

“Yeah?” Slowly, V turned his hand over, thumb pressing into the tip of his index finger. “Jesus. Just from playing guitar? Did it hurt?”

“Nah. Well, at first, sure, but they firm up. Body’s way of protecting you, so you can lose yourself in the music.”

V hummed, studying his hand intently. Light scars crisscrossed here and there, relics from bar fights, no doubt.

“V,” Johnny said suddenly. “I’m sorry. I know the whole point of us coming here was so I could do something for you, but I want to ask you to do something for me.”

V furrowed his brow. “Ok?”

“Will you let me touch you?”

His breath caught in his throat. “Ok.”

Johnny reached out slowly, hesitantly, until his fingers grazed his cheek, and he let out a breath. “Fuck. I’ve missed this.”

“Really?” V’s finger trailed down his palm, pausing at his wrist. “But the other day with Rogue…”

“Sure, but…Ok, I’m gonna sound like a huge cunt, but I’ve spent years getting to know what Rogue feels like. Kerry, too, and Alt.” Johnny’s fingers trailed along V’s jaw, stubble tickling, and he held back the urge to laugh. “Guess that’s what made me a shitty boyfriend, always going out, looking for people. It’s just…I’ve always loved this part, the first touch. Always been fascinated by it. Everyone’s so different. Some people are rough, some are soft. Some got scars. Some are ticklish in the most ridiculous places.” He chuckled as V gasped, jumping at the fingers that had trailed up behind his ear. “Like there. Who the hell is ticklish behind their ears?”

“Fuck off.” V let out a breathy laugh. “I think I get it. Never thought about it like that.” His fingers trailed up Johnny’s arm, hard and lean. “With me, was always about the feelings. I like knowing I’m making someone feel good, if only in the simplest way.”

“Figures. Even when you don’t realize it, you’re out here trying to do good for people.” Metal and flesh intermingled, cupping his face, and Johnny stared, searching V’s eyes as if searching for the answer to some unknowable question. “How’d you get to be the way you are, V?”

“Dunno.” V’s hands came to rest against his chest, smoothing the fabric of his tank. “Why are you the way you are?”

“Too much sex and drugs.”

V laughed. It was quiet for a long time, the two simply exploring each other. Johnny’s metal fingers trailed along V’s collarbone, and he shivered against the cold. His own fingers sank into Johnny’s hair, feather soft and tangled. He tugged gently, detangling the strands, coming to rest against the nape of his neck.

Johnny hummed pleasantly, leaning forward until their foreheads touched. “Fuck, V, that’s good. So fucking good.”

“Hmm.” He traced the line of his jaw with his thumb. “So you’re saying I’m good at something?”

“Smartass.” Johnny’s hands fell lower, lower, until they reached V’s hips. “Can’t just take a compliment?”

“Well, they’re so hard to come by.” His thumb rested against Johnny’s chin, his lips centimeters away. “Tell me another.”

“Say please.”

V pouted, giving him his best puppy dog eyes. “Pretty please, Mr. Silverhand?”

Johnny’s eyes softened. “Come here.” Without waiting for an answer, he pulled V onto his lap. “Cute son of a bitch. You have any idea how hard it is to look at you every day? If I’d known you back in the day…”

V buried his nose in his hair, startled to find how good he smelled. Cigarettes, and beneath that, a heavy musk he couldn’t place. “Yeah?”

Johnny buried his nose in V’s neck, and he gasped, surprised by the feeling. “I’m a goddamn selfish person,” he murmured, his lips tickling his skin.

“What?” V pulled back, trying to look him in the eye. “This is you being selfish? Could be worse, I think.”

“You don’t get it.” Johnny tightened his grip on V’s hips. “This was supposed to be for you. That was the whole point in coming here. Couldn’t even go ten minutes without begging to touch you, to whine to you. Wanted to actually do something for you, instead of wishing…”

“Wishing?”

“Wishing I could do more. Wishing I could kiss, fuck you right here on this platform, like I’m not the biggest goddamn asshole on Earth.” He pressed his forehead against V’s shoulder, hiding his expression. “Always want too much, that’s my problem. I can’t just settle for shit. Always gotta have more.”

V stared at Johnny. Firmly, he pushed against his shoulders until he was forced to look him in the eye. “Johnny, you’re in my head 24/7, you’re telling me you really don’t think I feel the same way? You think I don’t see that goddamn smirk of yours and wish I could pin you against the wall?”

Johnny’s eyes widened. “V…”

“Shit, Johnny. Kissing you, fucking you, I think about it every goddamn day. How could I not? You’re one of the most fascinating people I’ve ever met, and so annoyingly funny. Goddamn snarky bastard.”

“V.”

“I get the feeling you’ve got this idea that you’ve gotta punish yourself. Well, that’s bullshit. You’ve done good shit, you’ve done bad shit, and I like you anyway. Got it?”

Johnny stared at V, silent, and V sighed. “Listen, Johnny. I don’t want you feeling like you gotta earn shit with me. You want to kiss me, I want you to kiss me, that should be it. Nothing else should matter.” He paused. “But, I mean, a little ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ never hurt anyone.”

Johnny blinked. Then, slowly, he smiled. “Fuck. Okay. Well, may I _please_ kiss you?”

“Yes, you may.”

V didn’t know what he expected when Johnny kissed him, but he was surprised all the same. He kissed him slowly, almost tentatively, savoring the taste. And when V started kissing him back, he gasped against his mouth, surprised. His hands never stopped moving, grazing his jaw, his collarbone, sneaking beneath his shirt, tracing the lines and scars on his chest.

Finally, Johnny pulled away, breathing hard, his eyes closed. “Fuck, V. That was…fuck. I don’t know what to say.”

V laughed shakily. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen you speechless before.”

“Doesn’t happen often. Better savor it.”

“Hmm.” V studied Johnny as he circled his thumbs along his chest, teasingly close to his nipples. “Okay. Think I’ve made my decision.”

“Oh, yeah?” Johnny’s hands went lower, playing at the waistline of his pants. “What decision would that be?”

“Well…” Slowly, gently, V held Johnny’s face in his hands, staring deep into his eyes. “Listen, Johnny. I’m determined to make it out of this relic shit alive, but I won’t let you be a casualty, either. I don’t care what it takes, I’m gonna find a way for both of us to get out of this alive.”

Johnny blinked. “Told ya already, V. When it comes down to it-“

“It won’t come down to it,” V insisted. “I won’t let it. Someone out there knows how to get you out of my head without killing me, or damning you. I’ll find them. That’s my promise to you.”

Johnny pulled away, looking thoughtful. “Shit, V, it’s your life. Not supposed to be about me at all.”

“Well, get over it. You said it’s my life, and you’re a part of my life now. Probably always will be. I’m not going at this just assuming you’re gonna disappear one day. You’re don’t deserve that.” V sighed. “Fuck, Johnny. You didn’t ask for your life to be stolen by Arasaka. Just let me do this for you.”

Johnny was quiet for a moment. Then, finally, he stood. “Damn it, V,” he mumbled, pacing the length of the platform. “Listen. I get it. I really do. You wanna do this for me. And hell, I can’t even thank you enough for giving enough of a shit about me to even want to try. But listen, what you said earlier, about not needing to be owed. I don’t want you to feel like you owe it to me. I lived the life I lived, made the choices I made. Arasaka is a shit-eating devil, but I ended up there because of the decisions I made. My story’s over, you know? All this, it’s just an epilogue.”

V stood and went to him. Placing his hands on his shoulders, he said, “The thing is, Johnny, it doesn’t have to be. Anyone else would have just said fuck it, would have just let me fade away so they could have another chance at life. But not you. You know I’ve been wronged. We both have. And that is something I have to fix, for both our sakes. It’s not about owing, it’s about taking care of each other.”

Johnny stared at V for a long time. Then, he sighed. “Fuck. Of all the selfish assholes I could have been stuck with, I ended up with you, the goddamn hero of Night City.”

V chuckled. “I think ‘hero’ is a bit of a stretch.”

“If anything, hero doesn’t cover it enough.” He tugged playfully at V’s hair. “You care about people. Can’t imagine why, but you do.”

“Even you.”

“Even me.” Johnny smirked. “So. You’re not taking no for an answer. Got any ideas, then?”

“I may have a few.”

“Of course you do.”

**Author's Note:**

> And that's that! Thanks for reading! Possibly more to come :)


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